UGH!

So I did OK at work answering what questions I could about the twins. I only cried twice! After a trip to Wal-Mart (you know you never see babies/kids there), I came home to relax on the couch and watch TV. I turned to one of my favorite channels, HGTV, and what do you know? The couple searching for a home is pregnant with twins. Turn the channel!!!!! I go to my other favorite channel, TLC, and what do you know again? The couple on this show has twins also. A boy and a girl. Is there no place I can go without being reminded of what I lost? First I lost my own hopeful twins when I did IVF this summer and now I lost my adopted twins (triplets). Even the commercials have babies or kids laughing.

Dear Lord, I really don't know how many more years of this I can take. Yes, I know You're in control. Yes, I know You have this great plan for me. Yes, I know it's in Your time.  Your timing is no good right now and I really HATE the plan. As I put up one of my little girls hair at school today, I thought, "Why can't it be my little girl?" I try to say all the right things like those weren't the kids meant for us to have and I truly believe that but I really hate that they weren't. I just needed to vent and my hubby isn't here so you guys got to hear it. Sorry but I do feel better now! Tomorrow will be a better day.

And so the mourning continues.....

Well we're done. We were under the assumption that no one else was interested in adopting these babies but we were misinformed. The birth mom had already been talking to another couple before us. When she heard we were interested, she told them about us. We decided not to go any further once we heard this. We just can't risk loosing them to someone else and would rather walk away now rather than later. It's been a sad day for me especially. I had already made so many plans for our new family and now it's been taken from me. When will it ever be my turn? I am soooooo ready to be the mommy. I still love those babies and will continue to pray for their health and well-being. I hope that other couple will give them a wonderful life. I know we would have.