Beta Day at 12DP5DT

Does anyone else think my clinic is insane waiting for this long for a beta? From what I've read, most girls have it done at 10 DPT. It really doesn't matter because I tested on Saturday which was plenty of time to see 2 lines which I course did not see. But really I'm ok now. I dealt with this last week and really feel fine. On my way to work last week I heard a song on the radio that had my actual verse at the end of it: Psalm 30:11. As you already know turning your mourning into dancing isn't a huge verse that you hear everywhere like Jeremiah 29:11, so the fact that He allowed me to hear that just when the doubt starts to creep in showed me He is still working. Please say prayers for our next steps, which I hope include adopting. I know that's not any easier than what we have already been doing but if that's the plan He has for us, it's what we both want to do too. I'll let you know the results today but we all know what they are: closure.

Beta Results!

Well I am pregnant! Although I am beyond excited, I thought about how this would make those of you feel who haven't seen that BFP or have recently miscarried. I thought about how I felt when I saw someone else was pregnant again and it wasn't me. It always gave me tons of hope to see others with problems get pregnant but let's face it-when you aren't the one getting that postive poas and beta, it hurts. So please know I understand where you are at and I don't take sharing this news with you lightly.

My HCG was 91 and my progesterone was 40. I thought 91 seemed a little low but the clinic said it was a good number. They don't have you go everyday to see if it's doubling which is a little concerning but let's face it. What can they really do if it's not? Plus I think that might drive me crazy with worry, especially with school getting ready to start again. My ultrasound to see how many are in there and if she/he/they are measuring on track is August 6. That is my first day of school! It's just an inservice with no kids so who cares, right? I'm going to see if there is something else I can go to next week to make up for it.

I have a lot of hope for this pregnancy but I'm still scared. Part of me thinks there's no way God would take this baby from me after all the years of blood, sweat and tears to get here but we all know His plans are not our own. When I got pregnant the second time, I just knew He gave me that child after loosing my first and I thought things would be fine. When that baby was taken as well, it really shook my faith for a little while. I have learned that although we should have faith that He will take care of us in every way possible, sometimes the things that happen to us don't make sense and with IF you still have to guard your heart.

As far as symptoms go, I do have a few. Of course the boobs are still very sore. That may be the pregnancy or the Crinone so it's hard to say. I am burping like a dude! I never burp. I've done these weird hiccup things everyday since I was 16 so I guess that's why I never do. I've also had these waves of nausea the past couple of days but today it was here all day long. It's not like I feel like I am going to throw up. It's more like feeling car sick.  I've been having some really crazy dreams too! I've been writing everything down so that one day I can transfer it to a pregnancy journal. I had a pregnancy journal with my first two babies and I never got to write very much in them. I've decided to wait until after the first trimester and then I'll buy one. I don't need a third one that has nothing in it.

I would like to say THANK YOU to all of you who have offered me support through this process. We couldn't get through something like this without each other and I want you to know how much love I feel with every comment. But most of all I want to thank God for His faithfulness. I don't know why we had to travel this road to get to a baby but He does and He only wants what's best for His children just like earthly parents. I hope that in 9 months Brad and I will get the chance to parent our child(ren) by the example He's shown us. Thank you Jesus for my dancing day today!