Monday, January 23, 2017

The twins are coming and our next steps!

The day is finally here! Our surrogate's twins are scheduled to arrive on Wednesday, January 25th! Remember that these twin girls belong to another intended couple but it's been so fun following her pregnancy for these nine months and seeing a little bit of how things will be for us later. Please keep her and the girls in your prayers as she will most likely be dealing with a C-section on Wednesday.

As for us, we have been busy as well FINALLY! We went to the fertility clinic that our surrogate uses  to talk to her doctor about our choices when we cycle with her. He checked me out with an exam and Brad too (you know!) and said everything looked good. He suggested that I get some blood work done on CD3 to test my egg quality so we can determine if we should try one round with our own embryos into her. We don't really have much hope that it will work since I will be turning 39 this year but we felt it was worth doing the tests. I haven't received the results yet but we are thinking about keeping them private regardless of what they say. I'll explain why because y'all know I'm not very private!

We are considering three different options: our own genetic embryo, an anonymous egg donor with Brad's sperm or an embryo adoption. Whatever route we choose to take, we will definitely be transferring into the surrogate. I am totally done trying to grow any more babies in me and that is something I actually feel good about. I feel like transferring into me is a death sentence to any embryo whether they be our's, an egg donor's or someone else's embryo. Being pregnant is way too scary for me now and I am soooo thankful there are women out there who are willing to put their lives on hold for people like us. I don't know how we will ever be able to thank her.

Whichever road we take we are going to keep the way the baby was made private. Not for me. I am an open book and love to tell my life story to the cashiers at the grocery store when they ask if I have children. This is for our child. Although I would love to tell the world his/her story of how he/she came to be, our child may not want it that way. I spoke to someone recently that used an egg donor to conceive her twins and she said that only their family knows. The twins don't even want their friends to know and although I wouldn't be that way, maybe our child(ren) would be. I just feel like it's best to leave their story for them to tell. Maybe they'll be open like their mama. Maybe they will be very private like their daddy. Or maybe they will be somewhere in-between.

I would appreciate prayers as usual. Prayers for the delivery of the twins is of most importance but also remember us as we juggle through these different choices. We want to do what God would have us do and we want reassurance that we are choosing the right path. I actually would be very happy with any of the three. I just want to pick the one that leads us to the child He has been saving just for us.

*Also if any of you in blogland would like to share your experience with surrogacy, egg donor or embryo donors, I would love to hear how you handled things.


Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Viability!

The surrogate's twin girls reached viability last week!!! They are right on track and doing great. Their due date is in January so prayers they will make it until then and that the delivery will go smoothly for everyone. Remember these are not my twins but our turn is next. If everything goes well she will try for us next summer. Excited!!!!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Twin Girls!!

The surrogate is now 11 weeks pregnant with twin girls and everyone is doing great! If you read my earlier post then you will remember that although this will be our surrogate next summer, she is not our surrogate for this pregnancy. She had already made a commitment to this family so we are waiting our turn. The family used an egg donor with the husband's sperm and that worked on the first try. It certainly gives us hope for the future!

There was also an adoption situation brought to my attention this week that looks promising but I never want to get too involved because I always get hurt when it never works out. If it ends up being something worth mentioning then I'll write all about it but for right now I'm too nervous. I guess I may have to end up making this blog private if that's the route we end up taking but don't worry. I'll invite anyone who has already been reading! If this works out then we would still like to try again later with the surrogate. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up with a whole house full one day!

Monday, June 20, 2016

Beta Results (not mine but still mine in a way)

If you have been following our journey for long, you know that we change our minds constantly about how we plan to get to our child, as many of us in the infertile world are prone to do. We tried on our own. We tried IUI. We tried IVF. We tried donor IVF. We tried immune treatments. We tried the adoption route. None of this got us anywhere as far as an actual living, breathing human but every step is a step closer to our end result.

I wrote a little in my previous post about a surrogate (really a gestational carrier) that was a parent of a child in my classroom this year. She had twins for a couple a few years ago and was getting ready to try again for another family. She approached me about possibly carrying for us later too. I have always wanted to try this because if I truly do have the immune problems that blood tests and RI's say I do, then this could really work! If we take my body out of the equation then the baby wouldn't be getting attacked like a cancer. But my husband had just never wanted to go that route so I reluctantly mentioned it to him. To my surprise he agreed! I guess our rocky road to adoption has helped to warm him up to a carrier. :)

So she recently tried with this other couple's genetic embryo and it failed. This time she tried it with  donor eggs and the husband's sperm and she hit the jackpot! First beta was 518.7 and today's was 1652! There's one more beta Wednesday and then the ultrasound is scheduled for July 7. I know this isn't my cycle or even my surrogate yet, but I can't help but get SO EXCITED about the future for our baby now. If she has a singleton, the due date is in February but I'm pretty sure with those numbers it may be a tad earlier with multiples. She said she should be ready to try again this time next year so a year from now we could be starting our own IVF with a carrier! I can't tell you the joy this plan brings me. I don't know if it's because I am more comfortable with fertility treatments because they were my life for so many years or if it's because God is giving me peace in this decision but I'm praying it's a little of both.

So our new plan (although that is always changing!) is to do a fresh genetic cycle next summer. I don't think it will work because I will be 39 by then but we think it would be worth it to try. If that doesn't work then we will try again with a donor. Donor eggs cycles are super expensive, especially when you throw a surrogate into the mix, but donor is our only choice at my age. This year will give us a chance to save up so it's kind of good that we are having to wait.

I would love to hear some of your experiences with surrogates and donor eggs. How do you plan on explaining to your child that dad is their genetic dad but not mom? It will be easy if we are able to use our own embryo but since that isn't likely I'd love to know how to tackle that one. Thanks friends! I'll keep you updated on this pregnancy. Even though it's not for me, I'm so thrilled that another infertile couple is most likely getting their long-awaited dream come true.

Friday, April 29, 2016

New options!

I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long but when you are dealing with adoption the wait is soooo much longer than fertility treatments and the news is always few and far between. We are waiting on a court date to happen that keeps getting pushed back as court dates always do. I can't really give out much more information than that but I would appreciate prayers for the situation. Even if it doesn't work out for us, these kids need prayer because the situation is obviously not the greatest or there wouldn't be any court dates.

As many of you know, I'm a teacher. There is a parent in my room who is an experienced surrogate and she has offered to carry for us! She had twin boys for another couple so she knows what it feels like to do this for someone. She also volunteers in my classroom so I have gotten to know her really well this year. I've always wanted to try this because we have done everything but surrogacy but my husband was against it in the past. After the ups and downs of trying to adopt, he's come around to the idea! We can't move forward just yet because she is under contract with another couple but hopefully this time next year we will be talking about fertility treatments again!As weird as it sounds I can't wait for retrievals and transfers again. And this time we will be taking my body out of it so it could really work. We are thinking about trying once with our own embryos just to see. I'm nervous about trying it with my egg since I'm 38 but I guess it's something we need to try before doing donor eggs. I'm just scared that it won't work the first time and I'll be tempted to try again and waste more time and money. Hopefully one try will give us the closure we need for a biological child.

So a lot is going on in our lives but it's very slow moving. If something happens with this adoption, we still may want to try the surrogacy. I always wanted a whole houseful! Maybe this is our road to becoming a family finally.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

A little lost but trying to find my way to my child

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but for so long there was nothing to say. We weren't trying to get pregnant anymore and we weren't actively pursuing adoption. When you give up on trying to have a baby, it's almost like you lose part of who you are. For nine years I've been giving myself shots, peeing on countless sticks and having a roller coaster of emotions to write about. It's not a club I wanted to belong to of course but I did give me a sense of belonging in some way. Now I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I guess I need to follow more blogs about adoption but my heart still isn't completely in it I guess. I really want to become a mother and I know that adoption is the only way to do this at this point. I don't really think anyone ever gets over not having their own child that wants one. You just learn to live with that fact that it isn't your path.

With that being said, things are moving along now. We have decided not to go with an agency at this point due to various reasons but I have printed our profile and dropped it off at a doctor's office. After the holidays I plan on going to several more offices. We aren't beginning our home study after Christmas now since we don't really know when our child will be here.  I know several friends who have adopted through an office or acquaintances and used a lawyer for the services rather than an agency. It's way cheaper of course but hopefully less waiting as well. We have actually gotten several calls about babies/children but none of them have worked out yet. I know that next Christmas will be different. Next Christmas we will get to hang up that extra stocking we bought years ago, maybe even two. I say that every Christmas but this time I actually believe it. Now that we are trying to adopt, I truly feel something good is going to happen. I feel my mourning turning into dancing. Next year we will dance.

Merry Christmas.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Baby Steps Toward Adoption

So I convinced my husband to take some adoption pictures for our profile book!

I am a teacher and have the months of June and July off so I thought this would be a great time to start compiling pictures of us to put in the book. I made a folder on my computer a few months ago and noticed that most of the ones I have are iPhone pics which are fine but not very high quality for something of this magnitude. I realize that not all of them need to be nice pictures but I wanted some for the cover to be super nice. After all, the cover is the first thing a birth mother sees and I wanted her to look at our's and think, "Wow! This couple looks so nice and loving. Let me take a look and see what their story's about." That's how I imagine it anyway...

I've known this photographer for years. I had her first daughter in my class over 7 years ago and she gave me a free photo session as my end of the year gift. At the time I told her I wanted to wait and take them when I got pregnant or have her do the newborn session. As the years passed by without a pregnancy that was sustainable, I decided to finally take her up on the gift she so graciously offered. And it really means more to me now than it would've then. Now it's pictures that not only represent where we are in this journey but represent how much more love we feel for each other because of the journey. No matter what happens from this point on, I will treasure these memories forever. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to share my life with someone so precious. God has truly blessed me as a wife.

She is finished with editing about half of the photos. I will share just a few for now.




Our plan is to get the book finished this summer, move about when school starts (great timing, I know) and begin the home study process after Christmas in our new home. We are using Faithful Adoption Consultants out of Atlanta. I have a phone consultation with them on Tuesday to get the process started. Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated. I know how to do the infertility and pregnancy loss thing, but not the adoption thing! I am so excited to finally be ready to concentrate on being a mom instead of being pregnant. After all you are only pregnant for 9 months. You're a mom forever.