Saturday, August 9, 2014

The Infertility Addiction

My RE called last week. He said he was very sorry and really thought this transfer was going to work. I agreed and told him I had implantation spotting at 3 and 4 DP5DT so when I didn't get pregnant I was shocked. When I mentioned trying a gestational carrier he said he didn't think it was time to do that. He said GCs are for women with problems with their uterus and it was extremely expensive. He said insurance doesn't cover the pregnancy and you have to pay hospital bills out of pocket. Is this true? When I looked it up online, it seemed like insurance did cover and you just paid her co pays but who knows? Have any of you had experience with this?

He suggested to try again with our last two donor embryos and said if it didn't work he might be able to locate more for us. When does it end? Granted we've only transferred 2 high quality embryos out of 8 embryos (assuming that our genetic ones aren't good) but we've done 5 transfers with only one chemical pregnancy that ended soon after the beta. He said the success rate for FET is around 40% with high quality embryos. So I guess we will put the last two in me in a few months but I really hate to do it. I feel like my body is not good at this and I thought my time trying with my own body was over. But then again I feel like I'm playing the lottery and if I just throw some more money on the table, maybe I'll win the jackpot.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Negative beta, what else would I expect?

Beta was negative but then again I already knew it would be. I'm really fine. I already dealt with this disappointment last week but I wanted to let you guys know that it was official now. The doctor is calling in the next few days to discuss everything although what can he really say after 5 failed IVFs? I don't know what we will do next. 

Monday, July 28, 2014

One last test, maybe forever

I had one FRER left so I thought why not? Dumb idea but you always have that little bit of hope right? Today is 13DP5DT so I'm completely out but yet I still have to go do that beta tomorrow. Since I had implantation spotting and still didn't get pregnant, I really feel like putting those last two completely beautiful embryos in me is a death sentence for them. We have been talking about several options: gestational carrier, adoption and living child-free. The last one scares me and I don't think either one of us are ready for that road. I'm not sure we will ever be ready for it but we are getting to the end of this journey. We have literally tried almost everything. I think it's time to say goodbye to my uterus and to tell you the truth, it almost feels good to say that. Even if I did get pregnant I would just be waiting to miscarry it and that's no way to live. When do you say enough is enough?

Friday, July 25, 2014

BFN 10DP5DT

As most of you already know, I should be getting a faint line at this point. I'm not.

So I called my clinic today asking if I could skip the beta on Tuesday and stop my meds, which they said yes to last month when I was getting negative tests. For some reason this time I can't. I don't know if it's because it was my embryo last time and they knew it was crappy and wouldn't work or what??? I even told them that most people do a beta at 9DP5DT and they said that was too early. We all know this is not true. She also said pregnancy tests aren't that reliable but we all know that a FRER is! So I get to drive an hour to get blood work on Tuesday so that they can call me back to tell me the bad news. I'm going to have them call Brad instead. I can't handle any more bad news.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

7DP5DT BFN

Well things aren't going well. I'm actually really confused about the whole thing because I had definite implantation spotting on days 3&4PT. Day 3 I had a very light cramp and later some light pink spotting. The next day I had that brown spotting just like I got on my BFP IVF 2 years ago. I've tested on days 5,6,7 (which was today) with frer fmu. Nothing. Not even a squinter. So why would I have implantation spotting but no pregnancy? I'm peeing quite frequently and got super tired yesterday. My boobs are sore but that's from the progesterone I'm sure. Seems like if this worked I would be able to pick up a little something by now. Have any of you gotten a late BFP after a 5 day transfer? In my mind I feel it's over but you always have that little bit of hope until a negative beta. Help please! My clinic doesn't do a beta until 14DPT! Craziness.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Transfer Success

Today we transferred two beautiful embabies! We had four donated frozen embryos from a very generous, loving couple who had already completed their family with two sons. The embryologist thawed the first straw and they both made it just fine so we still have the other two to use later. I am praying we won't need to use those until we are ready for a sibling. And what really excites me is if we get at least two babies out of these four, they will be actual genetic siblings and have that biological tie to one another. So exciting!!!!!And who knows? We might just get genetic siblings out of this round by getting twins. A girl can dream so I'm going to spend this next week doing just that.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Donor Embabies!

I had my E2 and P4 drawn today and they said everything looked great. I'm staying on my Estrace three times per day and starting Crinone (yuck) twice a day on Thursday. My ultrasound is Monday morning and if my lining is thick enough we will transfer our first two adopted embryos on Tuesday morning! Very excited considering the parents of these embryos didn't have half the issues I do. Maybe this will actually work!!!