Friday, April 29, 2016

New options!

I'm sorry I haven't updated in so long but when you are dealing with adoption the wait is soooo much longer than fertility treatments and the news is always few and far between. We are waiting on a court date to happen that keeps getting pushed back as court dates always do. I can't really give out much more information than that but I would appreciate prayers for the situation. Even if it doesn't work out for us, these kids need prayer because the situation is obviously not the greatest or there wouldn't be any court dates.

As many of you know, I'm a teacher. There is a parent in my room who is an experienced surrogate and she has offered to carry for us! She had twin boys for another couple so she knows what it feels like to do this for someone. She also volunteers in my classroom so I have gotten to know her really well this year. I've always wanted to try this because we have done everything but surrogacy but my husband was against it in the past. After the ups and downs of trying to adopt, he's come around to the idea! We can't move forward just yet because she is under contract with another couple but hopefully this time next year we will be talking about fertility treatments again!As weird as it sounds I can't wait for retrievals and transfers again. And this time we will be taking my body out of it so it could really work. We are thinking about trying once with our own embryos just to see. I'm nervous about trying it with my egg since I'm 38 but I guess it's something we need to try before doing donor eggs. I'm just scared that it won't work the first time and I'll be tempted to try again and waste more time and money. Hopefully one try will give us the closure we need for a biological child.

So a lot is going on in our lives but it's very slow moving. If something happens with this adoption, we still may want to try the surrogacy. I always wanted a whole houseful! Maybe this is our road to becoming a family finally.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

A little lost but trying to find my way to my child

I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update but for so long there was nothing to say. We weren't trying to get pregnant anymore and we weren't actively pursuing adoption. When you give up on trying to have a baby, it's almost like you lose part of who you are. For nine years I've been giving myself shots, peeing on countless sticks and having a roller coaster of emotions to write about. It's not a club I wanted to belong to of course but I did give me a sense of belonging in some way. Now I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I guess I need to follow more blogs about adoption but my heart still isn't completely in it I guess. I really want to become a mother and I know that adoption is the only way to do this at this point. I don't really think anyone ever gets over not having their own child that wants one. You just learn to live with that fact that it isn't your path.

With that being said, things are moving along now. We have decided not to go with an agency at this point due to various reasons but I have printed our profile and dropped it off at a doctor's office. After the holidays I plan on going to several more offices. We aren't beginning our home study after Christmas now since we don't really know when our child will be here.  I know several friends who have adopted through an office or acquaintances and used a lawyer for the services rather than an agency. It's way cheaper of course but hopefully less waiting as well. We have actually gotten several calls about babies/children but none of them have worked out yet. I know that next Christmas will be different. Next Christmas we will get to hang up that extra stocking we bought years ago, maybe even two. I say that every Christmas but this time I actually believe it. Now that we are trying to adopt, I truly feel something good is going to happen. I feel my mourning turning into dancing. Next year we will dance.

Merry Christmas.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Baby Steps Toward Adoption

So I convinced my husband to take some adoption pictures for our profile book!

I am a teacher and have the months of June and July off so I thought this would be a great time to start compiling pictures of us to put in the book. I made a folder on my computer a few months ago and noticed that most of the ones I have are iPhone pics which are fine but not very high quality for something of this magnitude. I realize that not all of them need to be nice pictures but I wanted some for the cover to be super nice. After all, the cover is the first thing a birth mother sees and I wanted her to look at our's and think, "Wow! This couple looks so nice and loving. Let me take a look and see what their story's about." That's how I imagine it anyway...

I've known this photographer for years. I had her first daughter in my class over 7 years ago and she gave me a free photo session as my end of the year gift. At the time I told her I wanted to wait and take them when I got pregnant or have her do the newborn session. As the years passed by without a pregnancy that was sustainable, I decided to finally take her up on the gift she so graciously offered. And it really means more to me now than it would've then. Now it's pictures that not only represent where we are in this journey but represent how much more love we feel for each other because of the journey. No matter what happens from this point on, I will treasure these memories forever. I am so grateful to have this opportunity to share my life with someone so precious. God has truly blessed me as a wife.

She is finished with editing about half of the photos. I will share just a few for now.

Our plan is to get the book finished this summer, move about when school starts (great timing, I know) and begin the home study process after Christmas in our new home. We are using Faithful Adoption Consultants out of Atlanta. I have a phone consultation with them on Tuesday to get the process started. Any advice on how to navigate this would be appreciated. I know how to do the infertility and pregnancy loss thing, but not the adoption thing! I am so excited to finally be ready to concentrate on being a mom instead of being pregnant. After all you are only pregnant for 9 months. You're a mom forever.

Monday, April 27, 2015


Is there anyone else out there feeling lost like me? Now that we aren't doing treatments anymore and we aren't quite ready to jump right into adoption, I feel like I'm part of nothing. During NIAW I couldn't even post anything. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I'm not saying this to get anyone's sympathy. I'm just wondering if there is anyone else still in the trenches of infertility and no end in sight. I'm wondering if there are still people out there that are still waiting for their turn like me. It seems as if I'm the only one and it would be nice to know I'm not alone.

Friday, March 6, 2015

First Steps Toward Adoption!

I'm excited to announce that we are officially researching adoption! I am thrilled to be closing the fertility door forever. Although I will never get over the fact that I won't be able to carry our baby, I am finally ready to become a mother in any way that God has for us. I truly feel He's leading us in this direction. Here's why-

Yesterday I had another snow day so I was at home all day. I spent the day on the computer and the phone. A friend of mine gave me the contact information for someone who had used Faithful Adoption Consultants (FAC), a website I had been looking at and contemplating using. I talked to her for over an hour and she was full of information. She said that FAC was great to work with but they were expensive and dealt with high-risk babies. She said they asked if she and her husband would be willing to travel to Utah and stay for 3 months with a baby that was born at 28 weeks. She ended up using a different consultant out of California and after 3 years of waiting and 8 failed adoptions :( she now has her precious baby girl.

Not long after this phone conversation, I received a facebook message from a friend about an agency in FL that had babies coming soon without matches to a family. It was really strange because I haven't mentioned adoption to her (or really anyone) in a long time so the fact that she sent this to me was a great sign that we were on the right track.

After getting that message, I really wanted to ask my husband if we could start the process but I was nervous. After our last FET failed I told him I was done and wanted to move on to adoption. He said if I still felt that way in a couple of months then he might actually believe me. Can you tell I've said this before and changed my mind? Well it hasn't been quite two months so I was afraid he would think it was too soon to start. I told him about my conversation with the lady who has successfully adopted and asked if we could at least start on the home study. To my surprise he said yes. Here's why-

My hubby was watching Law and Order yesterday on a plane and picked an episode at random. The episode was about a mother who was on drugs and ended up dying by gang rape and murder. She had an infant which one of the cops on the show ended up adopting at the end. Out of all of the episodes he could have chosen, he picked the one with an adoption. I do believe the Lord is working on him (and me!)

So last night and today I have been speaking with people at agencies and filling out online forms at serveral agencies/consulting firms. Do any of you have experiences with any of these places?

-Faithful Adoption Consultants (Atlanta)
-Building Families Adoption Agency (Florida)
-Miriam's Promise (Nashville)
-Catholic Christian Services (Nashville)
-Adoption Information Services(Atlanta)
-Adoption Miracles (Florida)

I would love to hear your thoughts!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015


It was negative. This was the first time I haven't cried in all these years. I'm finally becoming a big girl (or numb to the whole thing?)

Beta Day at 12DP5DT

Does anyone else think my clinic is insane waiting for this long for a beta? From what I've read, most girls have it done at 10 DPT. It really doesn't matter because I tested on Saturday which was plenty of time to see 2 lines which I course did not see. But really I'm ok now. I dealt with this last week and really feel fine. On my way to work last week I heard a song on the radio that had my actual verse at the end of it: Psalm 30:11. As you already know turning your mourning into dancing isn't a huge verse that you hear everywhere like Jeremiah 29:11, so the fact that He allowed me to hear that just when the doubt starts to creep in showed me He is still working. Please say prayers for our next steps, which I hope include adopting. I know that's not any easier than what we have already been doing but if that's the plan He has for us, it's what we both want to do too. I'll let you know the results today but we all know what they are: closure.