Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Negative beta, what else would I expect?

Beta was negative but then again I already knew it would be. I'm really fine. I already dealt with this disappointment last week but I wanted to let you guys know that it was official now. The doctor is calling in the next few days to discuss everything although what can he really say after 5 failed IVFs? I don't know what we will do next. 

Monday, July 28, 2014

One last test, maybe forever

I had one FRER left so I thought why not? Dumb idea but you always have that little bit of hope right? Today is 13DP5DT so I'm completely out but yet I still have to go do that beta tomorrow. Since I had implantation spotting and still didn't get pregnant, I really feel like putting those last two completely beautiful embryos in me is a death sentence for them. We have been talking about several options: gestational carrier, adoption and living child-free. The last one scares me and I don't think either one of us are ready for that road. I'm not sure we will ever be ready for it but we are getting to the end of this journey. We have literally tried almost everything. I think it's time to say goodbye to my uterus and to tell you the truth, it almost feels good to say that. Even if I did get pregnant I would just be waiting to miscarry it and that's no way to live. When do you say enough is enough?

Friday, July 25, 2014


As most of you already know, I should be getting a faint line at this point. I'm not.

So I called my clinic today asking if I could skip the beta on Tuesday and stop my meds, which they said yes to last month when I was getting negative tests. For some reason this time I can't. I don't know if it's because it was my embryo last time and they knew it was crappy and wouldn't work or what??? I even told them that most people do a beta at 9DP5DT and they said that was too early. We all know this is not true. She also said pregnancy tests aren't that reliable but we all know that a FRER is! So I get to drive an hour to get blood work on Tuesday so that they can call me back to tell me the bad news. I'm going to have them call Brad instead. I can't handle any more bad news.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Well things aren't going well. I'm actually really confused about the whole thing because I had definite implantation spotting on days 3&4PT. Day 3 I had a very light cramp and later some light pink spotting. The next day I had that brown spotting just like I got on my BFP IVF 2 years ago. I've tested on days 5,6,7 (which was today) with frer fmu. Nothing. Not even a squinter. So why would I have implantation spotting but no pregnancy? I'm peeing quite frequently and got super tired yesterday. My boobs are sore but that's from the progesterone I'm sure. Seems like if this worked I would be able to pick up a little something by now. Have any of you gotten a late BFP after a 5 day transfer? In my mind I feel it's over but you always have that little bit of hope until a negative beta. Help please! My clinic doesn't do a beta until 14DPT! Craziness.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Transfer Success

Today we transferred two beautiful embabies! We had four donated frozen embryos from a very generous, loving couple who had already completed their family with two sons. The embryologist thawed the first straw and they both made it just fine so we still have the other two to use later. I am praying we won't need to use those until we are ready for a sibling. And what really excites me is if we get at least two babies out of these four, they will be actual genetic siblings and have that biological tie to one another. So exciting!!!!!And who knows? We might just get genetic siblings out of this round by getting twins. A girl can dream so I'm going to spend this next week doing just that.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Donor Embabies!

I had my E2 and P4 drawn today and they said everything looked great. I'm staying on my Estrace three times per day and starting Crinone (yuck) twice a day on Thursday. My ultrasound is Monday morning and if my lining is thick enough we will transfer our first two adopted embryos on Tuesday morning! Very excited considering the parents of these embryos didn't have half the issues I do. Maybe this will actually work!!!

Monday, June 30, 2014

BFN and Why I Haven't Told You About It Yet

Sorry that it has taken me so long to keep you in the loop. I've been dealing with some major personal problems unrelated to infertility and that has taken precedence over anything else. Don't worry, I'm ok and my husband and family are fine. I'm seeing a therapist to help me deal with everything but let's just say it has shaken my world. The good news is this particular situation has made me very thankful for everything God has given me. No, He hasn't chosen to make me a mother but He has given me a loving husband, wonderful family, a job that I love and so much more. I am trying to use a terrible situation to see how good He is to me. I don't think I will ever take the "whoa is me" approach to infertility again.

So anyway..... I tested on 12dp5dt and got a BFN so I knew I was out. I think I tested one more time a few days later but I really don't remember since that is around the time I received the terrible news I wrote about earlier. Regardless, it didn't work. I started my period on the day of the beta so I never went to get it done. I didn't want to put myself through that with everything else I was dealing with.

I called my RE the day I started (June 24) and they said to discontinue the Estrace then start back on the Estrace on Friday (June 27) for my next cycle. We have 4 donated embryos so the plan is to check my E2 and P4 levels on July 8 and if all looks good the ultrasound will be on July 14th with the transfer on the 15th. We are thawing out 1 straw of 2 embryos and if they both make it we will transfer those 2 and keep the other 2 frozen to save for later. If this actually works then we will have 2 for a sibling. If it doesn't work (and let's all be honest, it probably won't with my history), then we will have another shot.

So that's the plan. I am excited because donated embryos are new to us and might just be what makes this work. I'll try to do better about keeping you guys updated now that I'm doing a little better. After the new has worn off  I may even write about what I'm going through. I'm just not ready yet.