The Davis Brothers

This is quite embarassing.I'm not sure if anyone even follows this blog anymore but I still hate I haven't updated it in forever. For so long this space was my place to document my journey but mostly my place to grieve or rejoice. There were so many tears on both accounts and I am so grateful I had this blog to cope with the good, the bad and the ugly. So to all of you who followed along with me, thank you! Miller Charles Davis was born on August 15, 2021. He decided to show up before his scheduled c-section so we missed his birth just like we missed Graham's! Of course our incredible surrogate kept taking the best care of him until we drove all night to meet him. It took big brother a while to get used to sharing Mommy but Miller is now almost 16 months old and they are beginning to play together some. I still can't believe this is really my life. All those years of praying. All those treatments that never brought home anything except heartache. All of that is now in the past and all I have to worry about is keeping Miller out of the cat food! God provided. God gave me my heart's desire. God turning my mourning into dancing. I'd like to introduce you to the Davis brothers.

Halfway Home

We are already at 20 weeks! We've had a few bumps along the way but baby is healthy and strong and that's all that matters. 

The SCH that we thought wouldn't cause much trouble ended up sending Katie to the ER at 8 weeks! It had been bleeding some as they usually do but the pain was unbearable. Luckily baby was perfect when the tech performed the ultrasound so we all had peace of mind. Unfortunately the SCH grew larger and the bleeding continued most of the pregnancy until a few weeks ago but at 16 weeks 6 days the trouble maker was finally GONE! Praise God for answering this prayer. 

At 12 weeks we had baby's gender reveal. Katie was the only one at the party who knew so we were all on the edge of our seats. And the anticipation was a bit longer than we really wanted because the bath bomb took FOREVER to dissolve. Eventually we all got to see that sweet baby was a......... 

baby brother!!!!!

Miller is after Brad's grandmother (maiden name)
Charles is after my dad (passed in 2016)

First matching pjs for my BOYS!

Aunt Katie did a LOT to get you here Miller!

Our first picture as a family of four 

We would've loved either gender of course but big brother Graham was sooooooo happy Miller was a boy! He kept saying he didn't want a girl so I was scared my carpet might get dyed pink if it had been one! I am beyond excited to watch these brothers have an incredible bond for life. I'm going to dress them alike as long as they will tolerate it and can't wait to break up all the physical fights through the years. I am wondering how I will feed them as teenagers though?

Fast forward to 20 weeks because I am a mother of a toddler and can't always find time to update this blog. haha!

We flew to Wilmington, NC on April 12 for our appointment the next day with a MFM. We didn't do this with Graham but the new doctor considers IVF pregnancies high risk so we are going here just to make sure everything is great with him. We went a day early so that Katie didn't have to make the 2 hour drive that morning. We ate at this great seafood restaurant and then took some pictures to commemorate the evening. Miller was so much bigger! The last time I had seen Katie in person was at the gender reveal so I was so excited to see how much he had grown. 

Us dying after a random man says he'll take a picture of all of us. Wonder what he thought about this situation? #sisterwives

Brad with his baby mama and his wife!

The next morning we went to the appointment after a bagel run for Miller who loves breakfast food.  This was the first time Brad was allowed into the ultrasound room so it was an extra special appointment for him. We got to see Miller flip, suck his thumb, open his mouth and the tech got all the measurements she needed. He weighed 13 ounces and his heart rate was 142. We met with the doctor afterward and he said everything looks great but he does have a two vessel cord. He said there usually aren't any problems but there could be toward the end of the pregnancy if he stops growing appropriately. Luckily this only happens toward the end and they can take him a bit early if needed. We go back in 6 weeks to the MFM and if his echo is good and growth is still on track we will be released back to the OB. I am so happy that if something had to be "wrong" this is all we have going on!

I mean how cute is he? I'm so in love!

open mouth!

So in 18 weeks or less the little boy who completes our family will be HOME! I will officially be the mom of two boys and all my prayers will finally be answered. I'm not sure how it will feel to never be TTC again after 14 years. How it's going to feel to never step foot into a fertility clinic again. How it's going to feel to not pray for a baby anymore. I'm not sure how's it's going to feel but I suspect I will feel FREEEEEEEE!!!!! Thank you Lord for turning my mourning into dancing, for helping me to be patient in the afffliction to reach this baby boy. And thank You for answering every prayer I've ever had since I was a little girl. 

A Long Awaited Ending

So much has happened since my last post! I'll go ahead and spoil the surprise to say it's all been fabulous news. Hopefully our pain in affliction is a thing of the past and only joy awaits......

Everything checked out great with Katie's lining and bloodwork so we transferred two sweet little ones on December 10, 2020. We haven't transferred two embryos in such a long time that it was so fun to imagine both could take again! I was so blessed to get to go back with her because I know many IMs aren't allowed due to COVID restrictions. 

Luckily when you transfer embryos you can test at home starting on day 4 or 5 past transfer date. You know it may not show up that early so you try not to get discouraged. Graham's first positive showed up on day 5 so when we didn't get one that day both Katie and I were sad but also knew his was a little bit further along so we needed to give it just a little more time. And after waiting only a day this is what we saw!

If you aren't sure how to read these, that is a faint POSITIVE! We anxiously awaited the tests the next few days and they started looking darker and gave us some definite confidence for our fist beta on December 21. 

And so on our 18th wedding anniversary we got the call that Katie is pregnant! Anything over 100 is good and we felt totally blessed with.....

Katie and I predicted this exact number so it was amazing when we got the call. I thought this number was my beta with my second pregnancy (when I looked it up it was 211)  so that's why I chose it originally and Katie had a connection to this number too. The nurse probably thought we were crazy when we both said "WHAT?" when she gave us the number. God is good! The number has to double so we were thrilled when it did at 588 two days later. It sure made for a Merry Christmas this year knowing our baby was growing.

This was the best family pic we could get with a distracted toddler who only wanted to play with his new toys!

His new baby cousins! And me dreaming about what our family could look like next year! One baby or two?

Graham announcing to the world his big news!

We couldn't do the third beta two days later because of the holiday but our nurse said this number was perfect and we could schedule our first ultrasound. 

One proud big brother!

So we booked our plane tickets and I ordered a few neck gaitors that I possibly could breathe through and we headed to North Carolina on January 7. We wanted to take Graham but the new policy is masks for toddlers so it just wasn't worth it to us. Never traveled quite like this before! 

We arrived at Katie's house late that night and headed to the doctor's appointment the next morning at 10:30. Brad isn't allowed in but they did let me FaceTime him which was almost as good. As soon as the ultrasound tech got started I was looking at the screen to see how many took! Katie has more experience than me and thought she saw an empty sac so inside she was panicking! ONE sweet baby was hiding in the corner and I grabbed Katie's arm as we anticipated the measurements and heart rate. 

Her mask: Worth every shot #surrogacy
My mask: One or two? Pink or blue?

Baby measured right on track at 6 weeks 6 days!

141 beats per minute. Always my biggest fear

The news could not be better! Of course we wanted to see two babies since we transferred two embryos but the Lord is in control and we trust His plan. The ultrasound tech also saw a small SCH but said it most likely won't even cause any bleeding because it's on the side and so tiny. But we would still appreciate prayers that it reabsorbs on its own.

We went to eat lunch at a Japanese restaurant then back to Katie's house to make these pictures to share with everyone! I realize it's early. I know the risks of sharing before the "safe zone." But this is my child who deserves to be recognized no matter how short his/her time is on this earth. And this sweet baby is Graham's long awaited sibling and hopefully completes our family as Baby Davis the Sequel. We praise You Lord for this gift to our family. You changed our mourning with Graham but gave us complete joy by continuing the dance. And thank you to Katie for sticking with us literally. This last try was so much more difficult for her physically and we are so grateful she never gave up on helping us complete our family. May the Lord bless the many people who were involved in the creation of our little miracle and that includes all of you who prayed this baby here!

Talk about STICKING with us!

Patience in Affliction

It's been almost a year since I've updated here but everyone in the entire world knows what's been going on in 2020. Luckily the pandemic hasn't changed our lives too much since I stay home with Graham and Brad has mostly always worked from home anyway. Some of the highlights of this year were:

• Celebrating Graham's birthday with friends and family in May
• Watching him be a ring bearer this summer in his cousin's wedding 
• Going trick or treating in our neighborhood after stopping by our local station first. 

Overall we've had a great 2020 despite all the madness out in the world. We will certainly never forget our sweet boy's second year of life and have been fortunate to stay well all year.

Rehearsal dinner

Because of Covid it has taken us quite a while to get back on the saddle again with ttc but we are finally here! Katie has been a trooper with all of the many delays and she finally had her suppression check from Lupron yesterday and she is good to start her estrogen shots on Thursday! We wanted a nice thin lining yesterday with low estrogen and that's exactly what we got. We are so thankful she is still willing to go through this again with us. We are praying this transfer leads to the end of surrogacy journeys but we have certainly made a friend for life through this process. 

Things look a bit different this try! What a story to tell this baby(ies) later. 

Nice and thin!

The next lining check is November 30. If that looks good then the transfer is scheduled for December 10! Our transfer this time last year was on December 12 so I'm assuming the beta will be December 21 which is our 18th year anniversary. Please God let this be the right timing for us. We would love nothing more than to give Graham a baby brother or sister (or both!) We are able to transfer two embryos at once this time so we are praying that both will take of course since we believe in life at conception but one healthy baby is always the goal. We are still taking Romans 12:12 to heart but we're praying that our patience in affliction is coming to an end for an incredible Christmas gift this year!

Joy and Pain

No better words can describe Christmas 2019.

We are somewhere in-between feeling complete JOY in watching our sweet boy enjoy his second Christmas and complete pain in the loss of our last embryo. How can both of these be complete? They just can.

We never really saw this coming, especially after an ERA. All three embryos were graded 5BB after the thaw. All three were tested for genetic abnormalities. All three were precious little baby BOYS! But only one of them made it home to us. We are eternally grateful for what God has given us and know so many people would love to be where we are. We used to be them! But that's also what makes this hard. Watching Graham learn and grow everyday and bless us with everything we always prayed for makes us long for his brothers in an awful way. Would they have looked like him? Would they be outgoing like him? Would they have looked up to their big brother and imitated everything they saw him do like most little brothers? We will never know.

We are unsure what is next but we are trying to live out Romans 12:12. As hard as this has been, the Lord has certainly shown us that He is here with us during this trial. We were listening to Mariah Carey Christmas on our anniversary trip and these four songs played in a row, 3 of which were played at my dad's funeral. Why were these songs playing on a Mariah Carey Christmas station? And when Amazing Grace came on Brad said, "I'll just die if I'll Fly Away comes on next" and then it did! My dad was singing this song the last time I saw him alive.

We spent the night at the farmhouse on Christmas Eve Eve, the day we received our call of the negative beta results. I walked in and saw my theme verse for this last embryo above the couch in our living room. I didn't remember that it even said this. Yes I bought this years ago but only because I thought it was pretty. This verse didn't have any true meaning in my life until this baby. We may not feel much happiness in the moment, but joy comes from the Lord and is not dependent on our circumstances.

The last thing He has shown us was through a friend. She sent me the following message and I wholeheartedly agreed with her. "I have the most amazing feeling that you will be blessed beyond measure even considering the loss of this baby. I don't know what this is, but man o' man...it's coming..." We sat through our Christmas Eve candlelight service in tears. Tears for what has been lost but tears from the Holy Spirit telling us He's not through with us yet. I can't wait to see what He has in store for us. The last time was beyond belief and I believe we'll see Him do it again.

Maybe in a few Christmases this family picture will look a bit different. Maybe it won't. But whatever He choses, we will be joyful in hope, patient during this affliction and faithful in prayer for what's to come.