Thursday, September 29, 2011

Triplets to twins

We are no longer pursuing the adoption of triplets but twins. :(  One of the girls was not growing as well as her brother and sister and she did not make it. I almost feel like I am experiencing my own pregnancy loss again. It's not quite as bad as that of course but I already loved her and made plans for her and now she's gone. Now I still don't know whether we will be able to have them or not but I do know I wanted her too. I really don't like the comment, "Well triplets would have been so hard. It's a good thing it's only twins now." WHAT? It's a good thing a baby died and her mother must carry her dead until time to deliver her siblings? Yeah, that's great. Even the babies I try to adopt are dying now.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

To adopt or not to adopt...... when you love them already

I kinda feel hypocritical after my previous adoption posts. But I feel like this is a little different because it's multiples. Because the mother cannot afford three and she wants the adoptive parents at the hospital, I don't think she would change her mind as easily as someone who is a teenager and only pregnant with one. I know she still could of course but it's unlikely. Plus when you undergo fertility treatments you almost start to believe multiples are inevitable for you. Here's my chance to get the multiples without the high risk pregnancy. Let's face it, I'm not very good at carrying even one baby. I'm very confused!!!!

I spent yesterday in my inferility Bible study and it was about the peace that only comes from Him. I am trying to give this entirely to Him because I know if He wants this for us, He'll make a way. But that is extremely hard for me to do when I know that we need to make a decision sooner than later. These babies are due in December but we all know that with triplets, they could come at any time. And to tell you the truth, at this point if I heard she found someone else to take them, I would feel devastated. Does that mean it's right for us? I don't know. All I know is when I think about the possibility of having three babies in this empty house, it makes me smile.

Now I'm not naive about the situation either. I do know how incredibly hard it would be. I have almost zero experience with newborns and two months does not give you a whole lot of time to prepare for three of them. But I have already planned for their rooms, their names and ways to get three of them on a schedule. I have been reading about how to train them to get on a sleep and eating routine and I truly think with help, I could do this. Heck, when they are four years old it will be a picnic, right? I have 20 of those every year! I planned on running my household like a school anyway with schedules and behavior plans. Now it will be extremely important to do so should this be the path we take.

And that's the other concern. My job. I haven't talked to my assistant yet about this possibility. Obviously I would not be returning to work should this happen. I would feel terrible about that-leaving her and my school kids but if this is what God has in store for us, I'm sure everyone would cheer us on. Plus remember that awesome group I have this year? Maybe God allowed this year to be so easy because this would be the year I wouldn't be returning. And if it couldn't happen in May, December is about the only other month that would make for a good transition for everyone.

Last night as I was getting ready to write in my prayer journal, I just opened it up to an entry. Back in 2009, a little puppy came to our house. I took him around the neighborhood but no one claimed him so we took care of him. We cleaned him up, took him to the vet and eventually my brother "adopted" him. And so I wrote, "Maybe we'll adopt a child. It felt good finding a dog nobody wanted and taking care of him." It's a little strange that out of all the pages in my journal, this is the one I turned to.

Later, when I couldn't sleep, I typed in "ways to hear clearly from God" into Google. The first site that popped up was by a man named Gillis Triplet. Oh my goodness!!!! I know sometimes we try to find signs from Him but this one tops any I could have come up with. I want them. I do. But does He want us to want them? Verdict is still out.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Baby, baby, baby

Triplets! There's a mother that's pregnant with three babies and she already has three kids. Can you believe someone would get pregnant with triplets accidentally? So strange in the world I live in. She can't afford to raise three more so she's looking for a family. She's due in Dec and wants the adoptive parents to be at the hospital when she has them. When I underwent IVF, I always dreamed that we'd get multiples. Yes I realize the risk involved but I just wanted them for some reason. Maybe to make up for the two we lost? Now here they are and it's really hard to say no. The reason she's having trouble finding someone to take them is because she wants them to stay together. There's not too many people that would take three newborns. She also doesn't want to go through an agency and wants a closed adoption. That's exactly what we wanted should we eventually adopt. Ughhhh! I really want to do another round of IVF but I really want these babies. I am praying God will scream an answer at us. Is He right now? Do we keep getting these calls because adoption is what He has for us? Or am I'm just being impatient, wanting to take them because I'm tired of waiting on what He has for us? Please pray that we will get a clear answer from Him either way.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Told ya so

Remember the phone call about the pregnant 15-year-old girl? Yeah, she's keeping the baby now. Surprise, surprise. Good thing I didn't consider taking it. We've traveled that road before and I'm not ready to go down it again.