How do you deal with this dreaded holiday as an infertile? My husband and I decided years ago that we would not attend church on Mother's Day or Father's Day. Here's a sample of what we probably missed this morning: "Let's have all the mothers stand up for a flower. How about the mother with the most children. The oldest mother. The youngest mother. The mother with the youngest child. The pregnant mother.....blah, blah, blah" Funny how they never mention the mothers who lost their children in the womb or soon after birth or mothers who haven't ever conceived but are mothers at heart. Once again infertility and pregnancy loss remains taboo.
Mother's Day is always filled with baby dedications at church so that's an added bonus! Yuck. I think it's beautiful that families are standing up stating they are dedicating their babies to the Lord, to train them up in the way they should go. I just don't want to watch it. So instead we stay home and watch golf, The Players Championship. Surely you're safe watching golf. Nope. Every 5 minutes they are showing mothers with their children (mostly babies) and plastering Happy Mother's Day all over the screen. I guess the only way to get away from it all would be to sit in your living room in silence but even that wouldn't work. The yearning of motherhood is always there and on Mother's Day it's magnified times 100.
But then I start to feel guilty about this day. I have a mother, a wonderful mother. There will be a day that she will be gone and I will regret throwing my pity party about not being a mother myself. It's very hard to navigate my feelings. I am so thankful for my mother. She is the reason I long to be one myself. She is loving, selfless and emulates every quality that I want for myself as a mother. I will go visit her in a couple of hours and instead of thinking of herself as she should on this day, she will think of me and how hard this day always is. And that is the reason I want to be a mother. To put my children ahead of myself the way my mother does. To know what it feels like to have a mother's love for her child.
Maybe next year I'll have a Happy Mother's Day.....I've been saying that for 6 years now.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you who are celebrating the day empty handed due to a loss or because your child has yet to make it to your arms. You are just as much a mother as the woman who has 12 kids tagging along after her. You are a mother in your heart, you go through the pain of treatments and negatives, but you are already a mother putting forth more as a mother to bring your children here, than so many others. Babyloss moms, you have endured the most tragic and important job a mother could ever do for her child. Sending them off from this life with love and honor and respect. Being strong and keeping their memory alive. Doing this while grieving and heartbroken in a society who minimizes the greatest effort a mother could possibly do.... letting go. It's a shame that Mother's Day is the way it is, alienating and separating women, rewarding some, degrading and ignoring others due to things they have no control over. If anything, Mother's Day should lift up those who are Mother's in their heart but not in their hands because ultimately, the mother's getting all the praise and fluff HAVE their greatest gift already, their children. And now that I have experienced Mother's Days as an infertile, a baby loss momma, and as a mother of living children, I can say that the difficulties of raising children-the exhaustion, the sacrifices, the worry, etc. is NOTHING compared to the lifelong grief I carry for the child who cannot be with me. Happy Mother's Day to you all. XOXO
ReplyDeletehttp://angelheartsforever.blogspot.com/
That is so beautiful. Thank you. This made my day so much better.
DeleteThinking of you today! I try to focus on my beautiful grandmother and mom on mother's day as well. I hope next year is different for you and I both. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteHugs to you too!
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ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch? v=MosAkwGMJYM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to post this video for you to watch! Lol! Hope it works! ((Hugs))
I couldn't get it to work. Is there something I could type in youtube to get it to work? I'm dying to see it!
ReplyDeleteType, "Portrait of a Mother - Bumps Along the Way Pregnancy Vlog" in YouTube. Hope this works!
ReplyDeleteI've been so busy with the end of the year that I just now had a chance to watch this. I am in tears! Thank you for this. It means the world to me. We are both mothers.
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