Saturday, January 28, 2012

Unhappy birthday

Brad's birthday was yesterday and he turned 31. His birthday reminded me that my own is coming in 2 months and when I realized this, I started to panic. I'm turning 34. I thought I would be completing my family at this age but I haven't even begun. I know it's not my fault. I didn't plan it this way. But it doesn't change the reality of the lack of time I have. I hope no one will say, "You're still young! You've got plenty of time." The reality is I don't know how much time I have. So far I've had 2 pregnancies in 4 years with no baby to show for it. At this rate, things aren't looking good. Plus it's just a medical fact that egg quality diminishes with time. If I knew this round of IVF would work, I wouldn't care about getting older. But I don't know that and I am actually less confident that it will because of failing last time. I pray this is our time but I don't know. I've gotten my hopes up too many times and always left with the same results-empty arms.

4 comments:

  1. Don't give up hope. There is always hope. If we don't have hope, what else is there? I can appreciate your reservations, but don't give in to your fears. It's something I struggle with every day, but filling your mind with negative thoughts is in turn filling your body with negative energy and you need to focus on filling it with good vibes. Trust in the power of hope, the power of miracles, and the overwhelming power of love. Thinking of you!

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    1. Beautifully said (to comment above). I'll be praying as always for you and Brad!

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  2. I'm so sorry sweetie. I feel the same way with each passing year. People always tell me I'm young and it will happen - I hate that! I sure hope it does happen. I definitely understand your feelings of trying so long, suffering losses, and still having nothing to show for it. I am praying for you. I hope by your next birthday that you have a baby in your arms (or at least in your belly). xo
    ~ LisaB/lisabttc http://lisabttc.wordpress.com
    I'm having problems commenting on blogger

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  3. Thanks girls. I'm doing better now. It was just one of those days!

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