Monday, July 28, 2014
One last test, maybe forever
I had one FRER left so I thought why not? Dumb idea but you always have that little bit of hope right? Today is 13DP5DT so I'm completely out but yet I still have to go do that beta tomorrow. Since I had implantation spotting and still didn't get pregnant, I really feel like putting those last two completely beautiful embryos in me is a death sentence for them. We have been talking about several options: gestational carrier, adoption and living child-free. The last one scares me and I don't think either one of us are ready for that road. I'm not sure we will ever be ready for it but we are getting to the end of this journey. We have literally tried almost everything. I think it's time to say goodbye to my uterus and to tell you the truth, it almost feels good to say that. Even if I did get pregnant I would just be waiting to miscarry it and that's no way to live. When do you say enough is enough?
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Wishing you luck with whatever you decide from here on out. Unfortunately we never know what will work and what won't.
ReplyDeleteOnly you can decide when enough is truly enough. I suppose it would be that quiet voice in the quiet moment that says quite clearly, "This is it. I can't do this anymore." If you hear that voice and it doesn't scare you but rather gives you peace, I'd imagine that would be your "sign". Praying for peace, for comfort, for a miracle, and for clarity and quiet in the discord that is this journey.
ReplyDeleteOh Lyndsey-I am so sad to hear this. I am sorry you are in this position.
ReplyDeleteWe are currently in the process of attempting to use a gestational carrier and it is nice, in a way, to not be trying to use my body that clearly doesn't work, so I get your comment of how it kind of feels good to say goodbye to that uterus.
I hope that whatever route you choose you feel peace and it brings you the happiness you deserve!
Sending you a BIG hug! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
I'm so sorry. Only you know the answer in your heart. Hoping that you get the peace and direction you need. I know that when we decided to say goodbye to my rotten eggs. there was a loss but also a renewed sense of hope. I think you'll feel the same when you decide to go down a different path, Hugs!
ReplyDeleteNo words to say to make you feel better, other than to be still and listen to your heart. I wish no one going through infertility had to ask themselves of such tough questions. There are always more options though, and that is a blessing that we live in a day and age where that is possible. So many of us have traveled paths we didn't think we ever would in this journey. ((HUGS)) to you Lindsey.
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