BFN

Well once again I never made it to my beta. It's ironic how on my first IVF attempt I was scheduled for blood work on Friday and started on Tuesday. Apparently my body decides to do this just like clockwork but it can't do anything else right. Either Brad and I make really crappy embryos or my body is defective. Either way I am starting to believe I may never become a mother. I know we can adopt but with adoption comes a road equally as hard as this one. And honestly I want to belong in that pregnant club that God isn't allowing me to be in. I don't want to feel ashamed of myself every time women talk about their pregnancies and child birth experiences. Adoption isn't going to fix that.

The worst part about this whole thing is Brad isn't even here today. He had a meeting this morning in MS so he wasn't here at 4am when this whole thing began early this morning. It's not his fault. He can't just put everything on hold on the chance this might happen without him here. My mom is on her way over here to be with me, but who does he have? At least last time this happened we could be together. Now we are miles apart having to grieve without one another.

Maybe I need donated embryos or better yet a donated uterus. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope because how many more times can we do this? IVF is the last resort and for a couple with zero medical issues to prevent us from getting pregnant, there's really nothing they can do. We are at one of best fertility clinics so there's nowhere else to go. I guess they could do assisted hatching and maybe put three in next time but who knows if that will be the answer? I hate my life today and there's absolutely nothing changing that for now. Brad asked if I'd thrown anything.......Not yet but I'm getting close.