Friday, July 27, 2012
4
My HCG was 4 and progesterone was 2 so there's no possible chance that I have an unaffected baby still in there. So that's that. It's over. Well actually it's only just begun- the pain of passing clots and wondering if that's the one that contained your baby. The pain of knowing you were unable to provide a proper place for your child to grow. The pain of wondering if there was something you did or something you didn't do. The pain of wondering if it was a boy or girl, who she/he looked like, her personality. As bad as all this is, you know you'll do it all over again because there's still that small hope that next time it will be your time. But then next time becomes this time and you're right back where you started once again.... Childless.
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ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I wish there was something more comforting for me to day but I don't suppose there is. I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us. Sometimes His plan is not what we would choose for ourselves, but we have to trust that one day, it will make sense, that one day, we will see the grand master plan and realize it was all for the greater good, whatever that ends up being. Life certainly isn't fair, though, is it? I'm sorry. Praying for you: that you find comfort in your spouse, and come to a place of peace.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you have to go through this again. I know how you feel, but try not to give up hope. God will bless you with a baby some day. When I look back on what I went through, I honesty wouldn't change it because it brought me to my babies and made me the mother I am today...one that doesn't take one single day for granted and is in LOVE with her babies. You will be too!
ReplyDeleteI know its tough....I have been there. Just hang in there girl. It will get better. Thinking of you.
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