My Last Shot

We are finally ready to try one last round of treatments. I started my Estrace on Christmas Eve and will begin my Lovenox and Prednisone on CD6 for our FET with the last two donated embryos. I don't expect it to work or anything but we need to do these last 2 for closure. I'm not even going to get my levels tested to see if I need Ivig becuase it's too expensive and hasn't made any difference even with my levels being perfect with donated embyos. So we decided on Prednisone and Lovenox only and if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work.

My blood work date to check estrogen and progesterone is January 6. Ultrasound to check my lining is January 12 and if that looks good (which it always does-at least my body can get that part right!) then the transfer is January 13. January 13 is my brother's birthday and I know God loves messing around with dates :) so maybe, just maybe, it will work. Prayers are appreciated!

I'm Still Here

For those of you that follow me and have been wondering if I am still TTC, I'm not at the moment. We decided to wait until after Christmas to try so we've been relaxing (haha!) since the summer. (And by the way, I didn't get pregnant!) We have 2 donated embryos left to try so we will probably start the meds sometime after the new year. Unfortunately, we don't have much hope that it will work so we are trying to come to terms with what to do afterward. I would like to persue adoption, hubby still isn't so sure. I'm such a planner that I like to have everything thought out, just in case, but he doesn't work that way. So I guess what I'm getting at is we will try the last two then go from there, wherever there may be....

October 15th

Please don't forget about those of us who have lost pregnancies or infants. Each year this day is dedicated to those sweet babies who never made it, some through miscarriage, others through early death. Either way these babies never got to have the life they were meant to have. One day I hope to have living children to teach about their brothers/sisters they will never met on this side of earth. I love and miss you Grant, Caleb and Allyson. You are never forgotten.

Never going to get there

Did you ever feel like it was never going to happen? I'm sure you have. I always feel that way but tonight I really believe it. I don't even know which way to go next. Sadness is all I feel. Sorry for the pity party but it's just where I am today.

The Infertility Addiction

My RE called last week. He said he was very sorry and really thought this transfer was going to work. I agreed and told him I had implantation spotting at 3 and 4 DP5DT so when I didn't get pregnant I was shocked. When I mentioned trying a gestational carrier he said he didn't think it was time to do that. He said GCs are for women with problems with their uterus and it was extremely expensive. He said insurance doesn't cover the pregnancy and you have to pay hospital bills out of pocket. Is this true? When I looked it up online, it seemed like insurance did cover and you just paid her co pays but who knows? Have any of you had experience with this?

He suggested to try again with our last two donor embryos and said if it didn't work he might be able to locate more for us. When does it end? Granted we've only transferred 2 high quality embryos out of 8 embryos (assuming that our genetic ones aren't good) but we've done 5 transfers with only one chemical pregnancy that ended soon after the beta. He said the success rate for FET is around 40% with high quality embryos. So I guess we will put the last two in me in a few months but I really hate to do it. I feel like my body is not good at this and I thought my time trying with my own body was over. But then again I feel like I'm playing the lottery and if I just throw some more money on the table, maybe I'll win the jackpot.

Negative beta, what else would I expect?

Beta was negative but then again I already knew it would be. I'm really fine. I already dealt with this disappointment last week but I wanted to let you guys know that it was official now. The doctor is calling in the next few days to discuss everything although what can he really say after 5 failed IVFs? I don't know what we will do next. 

One last test, maybe forever

I had one FRER left so I thought why not? Dumb idea but you always have that little bit of hope right? Today is 13DP5DT so I'm completely out but yet I still have to go do that beta tomorrow. Since I had implantation spotting and still didn't get pregnant, I really feel like putting those last two completely beautiful embryos in me is a death sentence for them. We have been talking about several options: gestational carrier, adoption and living child-free. The last one scares me and I don't think either one of us are ready for that road. I'm not sure we will ever be ready for it but we are getting to the end of this journey. We have literally tried almost everything. I think it's time to say goodbye to my uterus and to tell you the truth, it almost feels good to say that. Even if I did get pregnant I would just be waiting to miscarry it and that's no way to live. When do you say enough is enough?

BFN 10DP5DT

As most of you already know, I should be getting a faint line at this point. I'm not.

So I called my clinic today asking if I could skip the beta on Tuesday and stop my meds, which they said yes to last month when I was getting negative tests. For some reason this time I can't. I don't know if it's because it was my embryo last time and they knew it was crappy and wouldn't work or what??? I even told them that most people do a beta at 9DP5DT and they said that was too early. We all know this is not true. She also said pregnancy tests aren't that reliable but we all know that a FRER is! So I get to drive an hour to get blood work on Tuesday so that they can call me back to tell me the bad news. I'm going to have them call Brad instead. I can't handle any more bad news.

7DP5DT BFN

Well things aren't going well. I'm actually really confused about the whole thing because I had definite implantation spotting on days 3&4PT. Day 3 I had a very light cramp and later some light pink spotting. The next day I had that brown spotting just like I got on my BFP IVF 2 years ago. I've tested on days 5,6,7 (which was today) with frer fmu. Nothing. Not even a squinter. So why would I have implantation spotting but no pregnancy? I'm peeing quite frequently and got super tired yesterday. My boobs are sore but that's from the progesterone I'm sure. Seems like if this worked I would be able to pick up a little something by now. Have any of you gotten a late BFP after a 5 day transfer? In my mind I feel it's over but you always have that little bit of hope until a negative beta. Help please! My clinic doesn't do a beta until 14DPT! Craziness.

Transfer Success

Today we transferred two beautiful embabies! We had four donated frozen embryos from a very generous, loving couple who had already completed their family with two sons. The embryologist thawed the first straw and they both made it just fine so we still have the other two to use later. I am praying we won't need to use those until we are ready for a sibling. And what really excites me is if we get at least two babies out of these four, they will be actual genetic siblings and have that biological tie to one another. So exciting!!!!!And who knows? We might just get genetic siblings out of this round by getting twins. A girl can dream so I'm going to spend this next week doing just that.

Donor Embabies!

I had my E2 and P4 drawn today and they said everything looked great. I'm staying on my Estrace three times per day and starting Crinone (yuck) twice a day on Thursday. My ultrasound is Monday morning and if my lining is thick enough we will transfer our first two adopted embryos on Tuesday morning! Very excited considering the parents of these embryos didn't have half the issues I do. Maybe this will actually work!!!

BFN and Why I Haven't Told You About It Yet

Sorry that it has taken me so long to keep you in the loop. I've been dealing with some major personal problems unrelated to infertility and that has taken precedence over anything else. Don't worry, I'm ok and my husband and family are fine. I'm seeing a therapist to help me deal with everything but let's just say it has shaken my world. The good news is this particular situation has made me very thankful for everything God has given me. No, He hasn't chosen to make me a mother but He has given me a loving husband, wonderful family, a job that I love and so much more. I am trying to use a terrible situation to see how good He is to me. I don't think I will ever take the "whoa is me" approach to infertility again.

So anyway..... I tested on 12dp5dt and got a BFN so I knew I was out. I think I tested one more time a few days later but I really don't remember since that is around the time I received the terrible news I wrote about earlier. Regardless, it didn't work. I started my period on the day of the beta so I never went to get it done. I didn't want to put myself through that with everything else I was dealing with.

I called my RE the day I started (June 24) and they said to discontinue the Estrace then start back on the Estrace on Friday (June 27) for my next cycle. We have 4 donated embryos so the plan is to check my E2 and P4 levels on July 8 and if all looks good the ultrasound will be on July 14th with the transfer on the 15th. We are thawing out 1 straw of 2 embryos and if they both make it we will transfer those 2 and keep the other 2 frozen to save for later. If this actually works then we will have 2 for a sibling. If it doesn't work (and let's all be honest, it probably won't with my history), then we will have another shot.

So that's the plan. I am excited because donated embryos are new to us and might just be what makes this work. I'll try to do better about keeping you guys updated now that I'm doing a little better. After the new has worn off  I may even write about what I'm going through. I'm just not ready yet.

POAS 5DP5DT

I've heard of people getting a faint positive at day 5 so I thought I'd try it. BFN. I know it's still early so I'm definitely not out yet but I thought it would be nice to see on Father's Day. :( Hoping to post a pee stick in the next few days followed by a nice beta.

FET in Cincy

I am going to document this right now in case this is the one that actually sticks! Some of this probably won't interest everyone but I want to savor every moment of this process.


We left on Sunday, June 8th, to travel to Lexington to stay with my good friend Meghan. She always generously offers her fully finished basement to us anytime we are making our trek North! Unfortunately we got there so late that we didn't get to visit with her and just went straight to bed. I woke up the next morning and went upstairs to hug and talk for about 10 minutes. She wished us luck and prayers and we were on our way to Cincinnati for my scan to check my lining.

When we arrived in the parking lot, I saw this on the back of someone's car!

For those of you who aren't aware, Grant is the name of our first baby. I got pregnant the first month we were trying and miscarried shortly after at 6 weeks. Even though we miscarried so early and of course didn't know the sex, we figured it was probably a boy since the Davis side is boy-heavy. Grant will always be our first baby. Back then we were so naive, never thinking I would miscarry but even when I did, knowing I would get pregnant easily since I had this time. Those were the days! Thanks for my little piece of Grant that day Jesus!



So we went inside for my ultrasound to check my lining.The doctor said my lining was good at 7mm and everything was on track for our transfer in the morning at 10:00! Since we hadn't eaten yet we decided to go to the mall because there was a Cheesecake Factory there. Yum. I don't normally get dessert at lunch but today we had reason to celebrate!

I know that's a lot of chocolate. Don't judge me. 

After lunch we went straight to Pottery Barn Kids. It's always nice to go there anytime we have a chance at actually using the stuff they sell. The salesgirl asked if we were registered and I explained our situation. She wished us luck and told me that if it works they do complimentary room design. Yes please!!!!We looked around and I found the cutest stuff. A girl can dream, right? I do this every   time and it hasn't ever worked out but I will not let infertility steal my joy or hope.

We went back to the hotel to take a nap then caught a ferry over to the Reds game. They didn't win but it was still a lot of fun.

Catching the ferry

 After the game we went to the brand new Casino called Horseshoe. We got a gross hamburger at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville inside and then I put $5 in a slot machine. I'm not much of a gambler so $5 was my limit. Turned out pretty well for me!

The next morning was the transfer. We stayed at the Courtyard Marriott which was across the street so I got to sleep in, my favorite! I'm so hoping I won't get to do that for too much longer. Anyway, as I was on my way to change into my gown, hairnet and booties, the nurse said, "Did you hear the good news? Your embryo made it and it looks beautiful!" I couldn't believe it. Yes I know that doesn't mean it will implant but the fact that our own little guy survived was so unbelievable considering what we've been told about embryo quality. Of course I'll be upset if it doesn't work but this cycle two things worked: I made an appropriate lining for my baby and my baby survived. Not too shabby!

Without further ado, here he/she is! They said it started expanding just like it should as soon as it thawed. Grow baby grow!!!! Stay tuned for poas. :)

FET Success!

I will do a more detailed post later but I wanted to fill you in quickly. Our FET went great! My lining was 7mm and my own genetic embryo survived the thaw. It was already expanding so now it just needs to grow and implant. I'm so hopeful and excited. I covet your prayers during the 2ww.

FET for me!

This is my first ever FET cycle. I am so excited! It's simply amazing how much easier this is than fresh. I am on CD 9 and I've been on my 3 times a day Estrace pills. I had an infusion yesterday in Nashville and everything went great. I've been on Lovenox and Prednisone for 4 days and that's it so far!

My blood work is scheduled for June 4 to check my estrogen and progesterone levels. I'll start on my progesterone supplement June 5 and the scan is scheduled for June 9. As long as my lining looks good at the ultrasound, the transfer will be June 10. This is so fast and I'm so glad. That way if it doesn't work (which we all know is a very likely possibility with me!) then I would still have time to try again before school starts back up in August.

Our plan is to transfer our ONE lonely genetic embryo. If he/she doesn't survive the thaw, we will transfer two of the donor embryos. I don't really know how to feel. Is it wrong to want to transfer the adopted ones because I feel like they have a better chance of making it or am I just used to believing our own embryos are crappy? I guess whatever happens is what is supposed to happen. It's hard to think you are making the wrong decision but like I said we can try again if it doesn't work. It's just a lot of money down the drain because one infusion costs over $2,000. Ugh. The price we pay for just a small chance of maybe getting pregnant. But our little lone embryo has been waiting to become thawed and transferred since 2011. My mom always said he was a fighter. We have to give him a chance at life, even if it is in my destructive uterus. Please IVIg fix my killer lady parts! :)

Biopsy in the morning!

The title says it all. :)

The Plan

I spoke with our nurse today and she said we have a few options. We can do the endometrial biopsy in May and the FET in June or EB in June and FET in July. We are leaning toward trying the biopsy this month. That way in case anything goes wrong (like we have to cancel the cycle for some reason) we would still have July to work with. I'm going to contact my consultant and my RI to get their opinions and go from there. If we end up doing the EB this month, they do it on CD 5-10 so it will be soon! I'm CD 3 now!!!

CD1 is here but I'm glad to see the ole gal

She's here. I almost took a test this morning because my boobs were sooooo sore that it was making me nervous. Nervous because this was not a timed cycle so I wasn't on any medication to prevent a miscarriage. Luckily right before I was ready to pee on that stick, she was there. Yay!

So now I'm ready to contact our RE about our frozen embryos. In case it's been awhile since you've read about our story, we have 1 frosty of our own and 4 donated frosties. The idea is to schedule another endometrial biopsy the cycle prior to the FET to aid in implantation. We'd like to do the transfer during my summer break so we've got to figure out how to time everything out. We've never done a FET before so we're hoping to get some guidance with the timing tomorrow. I hope they're still there. It's been almost 2years since we "adopted" them but we weren't ready to do anything until we tried all of the immune treatments. Although they didn't work I still think I have issues with my body. If we do this donation transfer with immune treatments then we will know we did everything humanly possible to make this work.

The new plan

Well she's here. AF came yesterday just like my the app on my phone predicted. I knew it was a long shot but I thought it just might work since I had the endometrial biopsy the month prior.

One really good thing did come out of all this though. At the beginning of this cycle, we were supposed to do one last IUI (because we still had quite a bit of Follistim left) but it got cancelled due to a leftover follicle. The RE thought that it would become the lead follicle and would ovulate before all the others. I decided to use OPKs just in case and ended up ovulating on CD 22. I knew this was late but stranger things have happened so I did everything possible to get pregnant including Prednisone and Lovenox since CD 6. Although our plan was to try another IUI before moving on, Brad said we could move on without doing another IUI now. We're finally done with all of this and I couldn't be more thrilled.

So the new plan is to do a FET this summer. We have 5 frozen embryos: one is our genetic baby, the others are donated. We've had them for a couple of years but we were waiting to get my body "fixed' so I wouldn't kill them too. Now I'm starting to wonder if I can get pregnant and carry any babies but the only way to find out is to try somebody else's. I want to do another endometrial biopsy just to help a little with implantation the month prior to transfer. I've never done a FET before so any suggestions about the process would be great. If I want to do it either in June or July, when should I start the process?

I don't care anymore if this child is genetically mine. I want to be pregnant and with donated embryos hopefully that dream can come true. But more importantly I want to be a mother. If this is the way Brad and I get to be parents then it's the right way. And if we want to try for our own again later after we've already become parents, we can. My prayer is that I'll get pregnant with twins, one that is my own and one adopted!

BFN at 12DPO

The title says it all.

Waiting to O

It's CD 20 and I'm still waiting to ovulate. I've had some CM the last couple of days but my OPK is still negative. Normally I don't try to get pregnant with TI on a non-medicated cycle but I hated to waste that super fertile endometrial biopsy I did last month. So I talked to my consultant and she suggested to start my Prednisone and Lovenox back up just in case it does work. I also will take my progesterone this cycle if I would ever ovulate. My question to you girls is how many of you have gotten pregnant with late ovulation? I would love to hear some success stories. I'll keep you posted if I get a smiley face soon! :)

A follicle on CD 3?

I'm wondering if this has happened to any of you and I'm sure it has.

I went back to my RE today for my E2 level and clearing ultrasound. The nurse said I had a follicle and I think she said it was a 10x12? I asked her how could I already have a follicle when I just started my period and she said it was leftover from my last injectable cycle in November. What? I didn't know you could have leftover follicles. I knew you could have cysts due to the medication. I thought we were checking for cysts, not follicles. She said it might be ok to go forward and they could just watch it but it would depend on my E2 level.

I got a call later this afternoon from the PA so right away I knew it was bad news. She said my estrogen level was too high which probably means that follicle will grow too fast and won't give the others from the Follistim a chance to catch up. When we did our Clomid round with IUI, the same thing happened where one lead follicle messed up the chances for the others because it was so much bigger. We went ahead with the IUI, even though we regretted it later.
We are canceling this cycle. :(

My biggest concern about having to wait is my LAD test. We went to Mexico for LIT in August (our second trip) to get my levels up from 5.2 to 70 so my body will make the necessary antibodies to protect my embryo. This treatment typically lasts 4-6 months so we could be at the end or near the end.

I'm going to email my consultant and ask her opinion. If it were up to me I'd say forget this crap and do donated embryos and then it won't matter if our LIT is over and then we'd also know the embryos are good quality. But I don't know for sure if that's the right decision. I truly think I am saying that just to protect myself at this moment. This is hard. March marks our 7 year date. I thought this would all be over by now but it just never ends.